Deathconsciousness: A stare into human abyss

                                 An apology letter to myself.

Dear you,

We've known each other since the very beginning. No one will ever or could fully comprehend how completely tied we are. Together, we stood there before. It has always been just you and I, sometimes sobbing in the shower, other times snorting through our noses. Forever and eternally...

Or at least that's how it was meant to be, but I abandoned you a while back, leaving you to rely on the support, love, and strength of others—strangers—when I was the one who ought to have lifted you. When I was the one who ought to have given you a big embrace, complimented you, and shown my appreciation for the amazing person you are and all the beauty and life you contribute to this world.

I should have advised you to block out the Boos and giggles. Not giving a damn what people think. Not to be terrified of being unique .To feel confident in your identity. And to make matters worse, I should have ignored the insults and snickers. I ought not to have given a damn what people thought .I slandered you by saying awful things as a result. I disrespected you and treated you like a toy. You're never enough, I said. That I would adore you if you were just a better friend, sister, student, companion, as well as lover. I might respect you if you had more self-assurance, were more outgoing, and were more outspoken. I would desire you if you carried lesser skin inflammation, consumed fewer carbohydrates, were braver and had tougher skin, were a mother, and succeeded in your dreams.

You took it all in and digested every cruel phrase I spoke that I wouldn't say to my greatest enemy. And as a result, I have lost you.

I sincerely apologize for having let you down. I apologize for wounding you, for abandoning you, and for failing to always appreciating your greatness. How deserving you are. How powerful, caring, and fearless you are. Forgive me, please.

That life has not yet provided you everything you wanted and hasn't gone according to plan. I am aware that you sometimes feel let down and like a failure or that everything went wrong. However, the fact is that you are not and never will be a loser. 

YOU WILL win because YOU ARE STRONG, BOLD, AND HONEST. You will survive and rise stronger and more genuinely YOU than ever.

I have you, and I'm not leaving this time. By far. I'll prioritize you this time.

With love,

ME<3